Every Change Begins With A New Thought
Do you ever feel like the thoughts in your brain come at you as fast as the water from the faucet? I know for me, sometimes they are as powerful and fast as the water from a fire hose! Do you know that sensation of spinning in your own thoughts for so long that you’re dizzy and drowning and you don’t even know how to stand or swim back up?
Many of my clients come to me with this relatable experience. It isn’t just that they are worried about money. They are worried about paying the bills, but they are also worried about what it means about them as a mom, adult, human if they can’t pay the bills.
They are overwhelmed with the physical and emotional labor of motherhood -the dishes, the laundry, the specialist they haven’t followed up with yet, the homework, the tears of the middle child over a problem with a friend, the planning of meals and activities and how the child with the severe food allergy is going to survive summer camp and college.
It is no wonder that the primary thing my clients come to me feeling is EXHAUSTION.
Because not only are they inundated with all of the thoughts above they have ascribed so much meaning to each and every one of them.
Thoughts like, If the dishes aren’t done, I’m a bad mother. If I haven’t called the doctor about that referral yet, I’m a neglectful failure of a mother. If my child is having problems socially it is because I haven’t been available to her enough to teach her how to be a good friend. If my child is exposed to an allergen at any time in his life, it is on me. If he suffers a reaction, it is my fault.
It is all on me. And, I’m not up to the task.
Mama, NO WONDER YOU ARE EXHAUSTED!
I’m exhausted just writing about those thoughts! And some of you come to me with ALL those thoughts and the first thing I want to do is reach through the zoom screen and give you a giant hug and tell you you are enough. You are MORE THAN ENOUGH. You are a GOOD MOTHER. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of rest. You are worthy of having your own back, instead of stabbing yourself repeatedly in it.
Nothing is wrong with you Mama.
You are exhausted for good reason.
And you are not alone.
And you are not without recourse.
Sometimes it is just in our first phone call together that my clients take a deep breath for the first time in months or years and start to truly believe they may not have to continue to carry the whole weight of the whole world forever.
Sometimes it takes months for a Mama to finally begin to believe she is enough.
But, Mama, at some point it clicks for all of them. Just like it clicked for me.
I am just me. I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions. My kids...they are them. They are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions. My job is as a facilitator and supporter. I am not their foundation. I am not their main support beam. I am a cheerleader and an advocate and I will help them wherever I can. But, ultimately, I’m not responsible for the outcome of their lives. They are going to think and feel and do many things in their life I may not understand. They are going to think and feel and do many things better in their lives than I ever have. They are their own people. And I can rest easy in the naturalness and love in our relationship.
The laundry? It is just a thing. It is a thing that gets done, or doesn’t get done. But, it doesn’t have a brain. It isn’t my judge and jury. It has no power yesterday, today, or tomorrow to tell me I’m a great or slack-off mom.
I used to think so many harsh things about myself. I was my worst judge. I was cruel and demanding in my expectations of myself.
And then… I stopped.
And when I did, it is like I could see straight, and breathe deeply, for the first time in a long, long while.
I started to think things on purpose.
I started to choose to have my own back, on purpose.
I started to believe I was enough, on purpose.
I started to believe I was a good mom, on purpose.
And everything started to change.
My relationship with my husband. My relationship with my kids. My relationship with myself.
And, when I started to feel confident in myself again, I found I had more energy. When you aren’t dizzy and you aren’t drowning, it is a whole lot easier to unload the dishwasher or hang up a pile of clean clothes, I promise you!
The weight of your thoughts is wearing you out. The weight of your judgment is exhausting. The weight of your self-hatred is crushing.
You are tired for a really good reason.
But, that reason is entirely within your control to change. It starts with your thoughts.
If you can’t yet believe good things about yourself, that’s ok Mama. Find someone who can. Confide in them. Ask them to help you see where you are strong and good. Promise yourself to write a love letter to yourself at least once a week. Find one good thing you really do believe about yourself and think it as often as you possibly can. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how that feeling is so much more energizing than the exhaustion you feel thinking those other thoughts.
Every journey begins with a single step, right? A single thought can start to change everything. Make sure you choose a great one. <3 If you are considering joining the next 6-week 1:1 Coaching Program, please visit this link and schedule a free conversation with me. In our zoom meeting, I will coach you on any topic you like and we can talk about if my coaching program is a good fit for you! click here.