I see you.
I see how you are trying to love everyone in your life.
Even if you think you suck at it, I know you’re giving it everything you have.
And, some days it is really hard.
Some days you are exhausted.
Some days love feels like not only is it a choice, it is a chore.
But, Mama, nothing is wrong with you.
You are just a human with a human brain.
Your brain (at least the primitive part of it) is hardwired to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and look for the easiest way to do things--right now, in this moment.
And, loving a husband that you don’t think is loving you well enough, or kids that say they hate you (which by the way means you’re probably doing it right, mama!), and building a life on a foundation of deep values and longterm goals sounds like a whole lot of HARD WORK to that primitive brain.
It is totally normal that you’d rather grab a snack, watch netflix, or call a friend rather than do the hardest parts of your life today.
But, Mama, I want to teach you a little something about loving yourself.
Loving yourself doesn’t just mean taking a bath, with a glass of wine, and the door locked.
It doesn’t mean running out to buy more clothes, or homey comforts, or higher thread count sheets.
Loving yourself means stopping for just a minute to imagine your ideal self 10 years in your future. Go ahead. What does your future self look like? What is she wearing? What are her relationships like with her husband and kids? What is she doing for fun? How is she contributing to the world? What accomplishments is she proud of? How much money does she have in savings? What is she planning next?
Loving yourself means loving that future-you too! It means having her back today so that she can enjoy the fruits of what you do for her today, in that future.
Your primitive brain will never think of your future self. Your primitive brain is doing its job to make things the least painful and the most pleasurable right now. So, you have to access the other part of your brain. The prefrontal cortex. The part that talks for your higher-self and is capable of looking out for, and loving, your future-self.
I’m not telling you to fix all the things today. But, if you could just commit to loving yourself enough to pause the next time you want to grab the remote instead of your planner, the chips instead of a piece of fruit, or yell at the kids instead of enforcing your expectations with consequences and ask “Am I helping out that future-me?” And, don’t forget to celebrate every time you say “hey primitive brain, I see you. Thanks for doing your job. But, I’ve got this one. I’ll take it from here.”
Celebrate because that’s the kind of self-love that will pay in dividends --for yourself and all the people you love-- now and far into your future.
If you want to learn more about how to love yourself and be a happier and more confident, mom, I hope you will consider scheduling a free call to see if coaching with me is a good fit. Just go to www.thehappiestmomcoach.com and click on "click here."